Monday, November 30, 2009

They Don't Have a Name for It vol. 6

This is actually happening.

Black Metal Theory Symposium
December 12, 2009
The Public Assembly
70 North 6th St
Brooklyn, NY
1:00-7:00 p.m.
$10 cover

A gathering dedicated to the mutual blackening of metal and theory.

I: 1:00-2:15
The Light that Illuminates Itself, the Dark that Soils itself: Blackened Notes from Schelling’s Underground
Steven Shakespeare
The Counter-Reformation in Stone and Metal: Spiritual Substances
Erik Butler
BAsileus philosoPHOrum METaloricum
Scott Wilson
(moderator: Niall Scott)

II: 2:20-3:30
Transcendental Black Metal
Hunter Hunt-Hendrix
Anti-Cosmosis: Black Mahapralaya
Nicola Masciandaro
Perpetual Rot: Obsessive Cycles of Deterioration
Joseph Russo
(moderator: Steven Shakespeare)

Interlude: 3:30-4:30
Nader Sadek, Baptism in Black (Phase II)
Sym-posium (together-drinking)

III: 4:30-5:45
‘Remain true to the earth!’: Remarks on the Politics of Black Metal
Benjamin Noys (in absentia)
The Headless Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Evan Calder Williams
Black Confessions and Absu-lution
Niall Scott
Meaningful Leaning Mess
Brandon Stosuy
(moderator: Scott Wilson)

IV: 5:50-7:00
Black Metal and Evil
Aspasia Stephanou
Red in a World of Black: A Discussion of Blood in Black Metal
Murray Resinski
‘Goatsteps behind my steps’: Black Metal and Ritual Renewal
Anthony Sciscione
(moderator: Erik Butler)

wowzers.... as if black metal wasn't enough of a bad joke already. can't i just listen to "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" in my room and make super-villain faces in my mirror like the old days? can't we just rip off Celtic Frost (poorly but ugly and therefore siiiick) and hate shit anymore? must we have this nadir of pretentious crap, which does little more than reinforce the fact that 90% of the genre is now wallowing in bullshit ego and watered down imagery?

You're not thoughtful... you're not deep.... you steal riffs and worship snow and goats.

i'll take the sketchy psychopathic lunatic fringe of the real underground black metal scene over a flock of sophomoric collegians in black Snuggies waxing douchebag about essentially vapid "theories" with regards to their I-Pod playlist .

save me, Antaeus;

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Brainmares vol. 9

climbing a rung of giant staples through a cavern of shiny dry ice. it leads to an elementary school where the walls are made of the same material. i turn back around to the tunnel and the staples are gone, so i dive back in, sliding down to the other end. i end up in an one floor house with a torn up futon in the middle of the room. A beautiful blond girl is slumped in a big brown chair, watching bloody horror movies on a high-definition television. She has a pierced lower lip and is wearing tight cut-off jeans and a black bra... no shoes. her boyfriend comes in. he looks like a thin version of the fat kid from Superbad. he's complaining about a penis he found on the bedroom floor. "what will guests think of the penis on the floor?" i think he says.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

We are the Sprocket Holes vol. 118

less than large/more than tiny movie reviews;

POP SKULL - 8/10: An epileptic fit of subconscious sadism. The days in the non-life of a blank voiced pillhead as he deals with the end of his relationships and the bloody visions snaking from the corners of his eyes to smother iris and traverse pupil to claw at his brain-stem and drain his nervous system of its boiling fluid so they have something with which to scald the earth. That being said, the film is woefully mislabeled by the company releasing the DVD, which has chosen to focus on the horror elements of the story (which are mostly concentrated in some of the imagery/most of the lighting/soundtrack) and not its experimental nature. POP SKULL is more Lodge Kerrigan than Lucio Fulci, so just be aware of that.

G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA - Cobra!!!! Retreeeeeeat! / REE-TREEEEEEEAT!!!!! : This movie raped me. a non-russian accented Baroness and a Miami coke dealer with a super soaker claiming to be Storm Shadow tied me to a chair, covered my head with Snake Eyes's mask (complete with a superfluous sculpted mouth), and had a scabby version of the kid from 30 Rock from the Sun (he said he was Cobra Commander, but don't believe him) scud my prostate with an 15 inch long 11 inch thick cast iron dildo in the shape of a Cobra only with a stupid CGI Destro head at the tip, so it could vomit robot ticks and overdone Scottish cadence straight to my heart, fucker. That's what this movie did to me. now you know........ and knowing is half the battle!

knowing and ass-rape.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

It's a Funny World we Live In vol. 2

I Traced my Dad... and Discovered he's Charles Manson



They Don't Have a Name for It vol. 5

Systems Overload... in my Pants


this calls for a Mix;

Tuesday, November 24, 2009



The PhantomSure, they may be unstoppable on the page, but the old pulp heroes have one enemy that they can never seem to defeat: Hollywood execs. Yep, Hollywood has destroyed most of the great heroes in a way that all their masked nemeses could only dream of. The Shadow was reduced to Alec Baldwin playing… Alec Baldwin in a cape. The Phantom was brought down to Billy Zane somehow making purple spandex even more ridiculous. And the less said about the how-can-we-outcamp-Adam-West Doc Savage film, the better.

But lately, Hollywood has gone pulp crazy and is developing new films left and right, including a big budget adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter of Mars that Brad Bird’s developing for Disney. They’re even snatching up properties they’ve already done their best to destroy, as Sam Raimi has the rights to the Shadow (a new film is supposedly slated for 2012) and Shane Black is writing a Doc Savage screenplay for Sony. At the rate they’re going, they’ll be no more untouched pulps in a few years, so you’d better enjoy these before Hollywood gets some beefy faced actors to destroy them for you.

The Green Lama5. The Green Lama – One of the many pulp costumed crime fighters – the Lama’s main gimmick was that he was a practicing Buddhist, which in the Christian America of the 40s must’ve been like saying he was from the moon. Millionaire Jethro Dumont studied Buddhism in Tibet, received the title of Lama and used his mystic secrets to fight crime. Which makes sense, as all Buddhists love punching out kidnappers. After the magazines, the character got turned into a comic character that could fly (another popular Buddhist pastime) and returned to the comic stands in 2008’s Project Superpowers from Dynamite Entertainment.

The Black Bat4. The Black Bat –District Attorney Tony Quinn gets his face splashed with acid (Everyone knows acid is a DA’s kryptonite, just with more face-burning.) He’s left blinded, but gets cornea transplants that give him the ability to see in the dark and heightens his other senses too. Yep, he’s Batman mixed with Daredevil, with some Two-Face mixed in. You’d think Hollywood would snatch him up, just to get around copyright laws.

Operator 53. Operator No. 5 – Jimmy Christopher was a secret agent who fought all threats to the US, although mainly Asian ones hidden with such inventive euphemisms as “The Yellow Menace” or “The Yellow Vultures” or the more straightforward “Mongol hordes.” The high point of this series was a two-year long story arc where the “purple empire” (With names like Rudolph and Maximillian, we’re kinda betting it’s Germany.) conquered America and Operator No. 5 had to lead a resistance force through a devastated country.

G-82. G-8 – This WWI flyboy loved fighting germans… pretty standard, right. Oh, did we mention he fought German MONSTERS? Yep, Germany kept creating the weirdest creatures to fight G-8 in the air, like Werewolves, Dragons and Zombies. Flying German werewolves in biplanes? How are we all not reading these right now?

The Spider1. The Spider –One of many imitators of “The Shadow,” The Spider was a millionaire vigilante who dressed himself up as a caped, fanged madman and left the corpses of his enemies marked with a spider mark from the base of his cigarette lighter. He fought bizarre and semi-insane conspiracies like Egyptian midgets attacking Cincinatti (The Devil’s Death Dwarves) or killer owls (The Silver Death Rain). He even commanded a team of bums into battle against fifth columnists in, wait for it, The Spider and his Hobo Army! Just try to not give them your spare change!

Double You, Tea F. vol. 91

Cows and vehicles are stranded on a piece of land surrounded by flood water in Jeram Perdas about 550 km (342 miles) northeast of Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia's state of Kelantan November 8, 2009. There are 3,487 evacuees left at the flood relief centres in Kelantan on Sunday night compared with 3,842 this evening, as reported by Bernama news agency. Photo taken November 8, 2009.